I seriously feel depressed. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything whatsoever. Something about these past few weeks have been making me crazy.

I used to go nuts if I didn't exercise at least every other day, but I haven't worked out in about 2 weeks. I used to always have my work done on time, if not early, I was never a procrastinator. Now I have 8 worksheets due in English, a project due on May 9 in World Religions that I haven't even started on, and yet another project due May 6 in DCT that I've done jack shit on. I used to look forward to going to work (many of you know how much I used to love my job), but now I am actually considering quitting as soon as school gets out. I just don't know why all this stuff is happening!

I consider myself a pretty optimistic person, well, I used to be anyway. But for the past few weeks I've been the most negative, rude girl. I'm acting like all those bratty girls that I usually want to smack around. What the heck is wrong with me?

I have a ton of homework I should be starting on right now, because I have to work 2-7, but instead I'm sitting my lazy ass in front of the computer. I feel like the biggest loser, all I ever do is freakin' go online. And when I'm not online, I'm at school or work, not to my liking. I just want to sleep forever. That reminds me of something I read in Laura's diary today:

Maybe I'll just start sleeping round the clock, that way I'll never be conscious to know how depressed and crappy and groundlessly unhappy I feel. Unconsciousness, that sounds so nice.

That's just how I feel. Heh. It'd be nice to be unconscious...

Not to bring her up again, but Laura also mentioned something about how she calls herself a "writer" but she hasn't really written any fiction in the past year or so. I'm having the same sentiments. I really like writing, that's why I started this stupid online diary, but when it all boils down, I don't really write anything else. When I was little I wrote fiction stories out the yin yang, but the only things I've written lately have been papers for school (which I so proudly post on my online diary...). I always have cute little ideas for stories (ie Locker #10... Lauren and Alan are the only ones who will get that... heh) but I never do anything about it. I want to write fun fictional stories and be creative, but I feel like all my creativity has just disappeared or something. Urrghhhh.

I can't wait until this summer. Maybe I actually will quit my job, and just do whatever the hell I want to. My dad and I might go to California for a week or two to visit my Uncle Rob and his family... God I really hope we go. I could go to the beach everyday and read, and even write. I wouldn't have to plan my day around my work schedule. Plus I could workout whenever I wanted. I can't believe I gained all the weight back. I feel so gross. I just need to whip my butt back into shape... I'm going to start going to the tanning bed again, and going to the gym more often. You all have to motivate me... haha. We'll see how this goes... I'll keep you all updated on my "progress."