I've been really bummed out lately. With the exception of Monday night (Hanson concert) the entire month of October has pretty much sucked ass. There are lots of little things that have all built up to make me really sad and lonely all the time.

Something that's really been bothering me is that Tasha is leaving. She only has a couple more weeks til she leaves for New Orleans (where her wedding is going to be). Then she won't be back in Jacksonville for three weeks. Shortly after she gets back, though, she'll be gone forever. I have really been starting to dread work, but I always end up having fun with Tasha. But in a few weeks I won't have anyone to cheer me up at work.

Since I'm all cooped up in the pharmacy, I never get to see anybody else besides the pharmacy team members (although Rob and Ashley come and visit every so often, which is nice). I wish I could just start working in another department and start working with other people in the store more. I'm sick of pharmacy. ::phone rings:: Great. That was Angela, our new pharmacist, calling to let me know Tasha won't be working with me this weekend. Instead it's another fill in pharmacist, meaning I have to be there at 9 instead of at 11 on Saturday. Joy. Could this situation get any more miserable?

Another thing that's been bothering me is Cookie's job. I'm glad he has a job that he likes, and now he's never broke which makes both of us happier, but I hardly ever get to see him. We don't even talk on the phone at night anymore. He usually works 4 to 11-ish, and since he works with his best friend they always hang out after work. He doesn't usually get home until 3 or 4 a.m. and it makes me so sad at night. I'm lonely all the time and I haven't been getting much sleep because I have a hard time going to sleep when I haven't talked to him. I know he likes his job, but I wish more than anything he'd just get a new job with better hours so I could see him more.

I'm listening to "Penny and Me" by Hanson, and it's making me cry. Probably because I was already about to cry, and even though it's not really a sad song, it's slow and romantic, and when I'm singing it I fill in "Cookie" whenever they say "Penny"... yeah. I'm gay. Gonna go take a shower now. Hopefully that'll make me feel better.

Staring at a million city lights
But it's still Penny and I all alone beneath the sky
Feel the wind brushing slowly by
If I could soar I'd try to take these wings and fly
Away to where the leaves turn red
But no matter where I am instead
Singing along to feeling alright
We'll make it by in the pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight