As most of you know by now, Cookie and I are no longer together. We ended our relationship Friday night, and it was a mutual decision for the most part. We had talked about ending it a couple times before, but I guess neither of us actually had the guts to go through with it. But I brought it up again, and it really happened this time.

If you've been keeping up with this diary for at least the past few months, you know he and I did not have a healthy relationship. I told someone the other day that I felt like I was in a long distance relationship because I saw so little of him. I cried every night for all kinds of reasons, whether it was because I was lonely from not seeing him for so long, or because he hadn't called all day.

I told him that I couldn't take it anymore, waiting and waiting for the phone calls that never came, the times that we had planned to hang out, but he was so tired that he "didn't give a fuck" whether or not he saw me. I don't think I would have been able to hear him say, "I'll call you later tonight" one more time, only to wake up the next day to realize he hadn't called.

I still love him, of course. I don't think it's possible to walk away from a relationship like that, no matter how emotionally scarred you are, and not love the person. I still think about him constantly, and pray for him every night. What I really want for him right now is to find something to live for. I always tried to motivate him and have a positive attitude no matter how crappy the situation was. It was hard for him to be that way, though. He's already tried school twice, and just kinda stopped going. He had a good job, but since his car broke down he lost the job. I just wish there was some kind of solution.

For right now, he and I aren't talking. It's better that way. I mean, if we continued to talk things would just be that much harder. There have been so many times that I was sitting at my computer, trying so hard not to type him an e-mail, or send him a text message. But I'm resisting the temptation because I know it will be worth it in the end.

I have always been (and I think Cookie has, too) the type of person who believes that if something is meant to happen, it will happen. If we're meant to cross paths again some day, we will. I would love to see him again in a few months, years, whatever, just to see how he's doing. I just want him to have a happy life and find something he enjoys doing. I hope you find what you're looking for love.